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The guest list for the inaugural National Urban Rat Summit in NYC

Mark your calendars! On September 18 and 19, New York City will host its first National Urban Rat Summit. We didn’t have time to read the full press release, but we assume this will be a gathering of leading, fast-moving, breaking-things, highly influential rats from all over the United States. Here’s who we expect to see on the guest list.

Scabby – The nation’s leading rodent labor advocate has an incredibly busy schedule, but it appears Scabby will be able to continue the conference for at least one day, perhaps accompanied by a picket line or a symbolic casket.

Buddy the Rat – Social media influencer Buddy the Rat will livestream from the top to his 1.4 million YouTube subscribers. He will be available for a meet & greet near Trash Can A.

Scabbers – Ron Weasley’s pet, who was actually a scary man? I can’t quite remember the plot, but it could be there. Waiting for confirmation.

Pizza Rat – The rat who showed us that God never gives us a burden we cannot bear will give a presentation on “Moving a Slice of Pizza in the Digital Age,” North Gutter.

New York City Sanitation Rat – This rat was “packed” by the city Department of Sanitation. Well, it’s a joke because he was packing for a world tour of motivational speakers that culminates in his hometown with an 11 a.m. keynote on September 19 at Sinkhole 3.

ROUSs – Rodents of unusual sizes, made famous by “The Princess Bride,” will provide security during the event. Rats are aware that they may encounter hostility from other species in New York City and have planned accordingly.

Chuck E. Cheese – I bet you thought Chuck was always a mouse. Check your preconceptions, because Charles Entertainment Cheese was originally a rat, and we happen to know that he’s actually an epidemiologist. He will give a presentation on communicable diseases endemic to the rat community and how to prevent them, Storm Drain 2A, East Wing.